Comparison is the thief of joy…..
Especially when it comes to sleep and especially when you accidentally get talking to THAT MUM from your NCT/baby massage/antenatal class or baby group.
You know the one……her baby slept through the night at 6/7/8 weeks of age.
You felt ok about your baby’s sleep habits until you got talking to THAT MUM.
Now you feel like the world’s crappiest mum because you don’t have a nap routine as she does.
You breastfeed on demand but she bottle feeds so she knows EXACTLY how much milk he’s getting.
You co sleep and bedshare but she wouldn’t dream of sleeping with the baby in her bed.
You haven’t considered weaning yet whereas her baby is making his own meals at lunchtime……
that last one should give you a bit of insight into that perfect mum’s life……
It’s not perfect … it’s embellished and exaggerated!
That mama is lying to you, probably because she feels as inadequate as we all do on our parenting journey from time to time.......but instead of just admitting she feels it she lies and covers up…..
It’s really hard not to compare, but mums like this one are why you really shouldn’t compare your baby to anyone else’s …..because some mums will and do lie! I'm a mum who had a fairly good little sleeper and even i've lied about her sleep and other aspects of parenting from time to time.....for the very reasons i mentioned before.
That perfect mum with the perfect sleeping baby is a big fat effing liar!!!
I also know that mum is a liar because mums like her often approach me to support them with sleep……and openly admit that they lie to fellow mums, friends and sometimes inlaws about their babies sleep habits!
They don’t lie to make you feel like a rubbish parent, they lie because they feel like a rubbish parent and they don’t want you to know about it so they lie and cover up their perceived weakness. I'm not judging her or you.
Whether your baby sleeps right through the night or wakes Every hour on the hour. I promise you either situation has very little to do with the quality of parent you are.
Tips for comparisonitis ( cos we all get it from time to time) sometimes we just can’t help but compare. Try to remember these tips when comparisonitis has you by the proverbials…
1. Know that every baby is different. Every child is unique and reaches their milestones and goals in their own time. In some areas your baby may excell and advance quickly and in ther areas they may struggle and need support. Both are ok, both are normal.
2. Know that, how good or how bad a baby sleeps has no connection to how good of a parent you are. Again sleep is developmental and that development isnt going to be linear, there'll be set backs in sleep at times, but this won't be and isn't a reflection on the quality of your parenting.
3. Know that that perfect mum, with the perfect baby is LYING!!! and that sometimes that lying mum may be you... give yourself a break, you don't need to be a perfect parent to be a good parent.
Have you ever fibbed about your baby’s habits? (🙋🏾♀️ I have) Or felt like you’ve been lied to by another mum? Let me know in the comments.